What Triggers Your Emotions?

“Triggering an emotion” means a host of neural, biochemical and hormonal actions are initiated by the brain based on what our brain perceives we emotionally need to be happy. In this context, needs are defined as unmet hopes, expectations and attachments. We hoped for, expected or believed we deserved to receive one of the items listed below in a specific situation:

acceptance                  respect                  to be liked

achievement               praise                    to be understood

to understand             appreciation            to be needed

to be in control            to be right               to be valued

to be treated fairly       comfort                   freedom

peacefulness               balance                  consistency

attention                    adventure               love

to feel worthwhile        to be heard             serenity

to explore                  to nurture               to feel safe

to win                        predictability           to be included

fun                           new challenges        autonomy

Some of these needs will be important to you. Others will hold no emotional charge for you. Take a moment to identify your top five triggers, meaning that a cascade of neural and biochemical events affect your body when:

1) you perceive that you may not get this need met,

2) you think someone is denying you this need or

3) it appears that you have an opportunity to earn this need, even if you have to fight for it.

Be honest with yourself. Which five needs, when not met, will likely trigger a reaction in you? Identify the needs that you hold most dear.

It is critical to note that needs are not bad. The reason you have these needs is that at some point in your life, the need served you. For example, your experiences may have taught you that success in life depends on maintaining control, establishing a safe environment and having people around you who appreciate your intelligence. However, the more you become attached to these needs, the more your brain will be on the lookout for circumstances that threaten your ability to have these needs met. Then your needs become emotional triggers.

At this point, you must judge the truth of the situation. Are you really losing this need or not? Is the person actively denying your need or are you taking the situation too personally? If it’s true that someone is ignoring your need or blocking you from achieving it, can you either ask for what you need or, if it doesn’t really matter, can you let the need go?

Without consciously acknowledging the need that is triggering the emotional reaction, we become enslaved to the need. On the other hand, if we honestly declare our needs—that we had expected people to treat us in a particular way and had hoped events would unfold as we had planned—then we can begin to see life more objectively. From this perspective, we are freer to choose our reactions.

Most of our decisions and actions are based on a desire to avoid pain, sorrow or shame, or on the quest for pleasure, joy or pride. In short, we physically and mentally respond to the possibility of loss or reward before we can logically process what is going on.

Copyright 2008 Covisioning